Professor Marvel's Workshop

Cockchafer

2010-07-12T00:34:00.000-07:00

by crackpipe

Cockchafer beetle, your name is unfortunate for Sunday school. You're supposed to be here and gone by June, "May Bug". You never bite or sting; it's anyone's guess why you were once nearly extinct. And you arrived on the screen door this evening, buzzing and parading resplendent antennae, looking like a million bucks. Your presence, merely buzzing and peering-in for a half hour, relieved all the tedium of my Math homework. You left me happy.

On the other hand, your name suggests you are a g*d damned cockchafer. Your name seems to point to impossible, horrifying events insofar as beetles are concerned. Things that seem possible for beetles only in the context of a torture chamber or maybe a Turkish prison. I will simply wish you the best, and hope that I fail to learn how you were named.

But on yet another hand, perhaps I'm up to three hands by now, the apparent irony of your existence as a harmless, somewhat clumsy vegetarian, looking for a tree, but possessing a name that causes most to recoil, is not entirely wasted upon me. So roll on chafer, you're an interesting contradiction. And be safe out there.

The Second Sweetest Blog on the Interwebs

2009-12-22T10:32:00.000-08:00

During the most unproductive week of the year, I have decided to create my own blog. Find out what's on my mind by going here.

Be Good ...

2009-12-16T14:59:00.000-08:00

...or risk Eternal Pamnation!

Oh, this is exciting.

Eternal Pamnation's Inaugural Post

2009-12-16T14:11:00.000-08:00

Well, well, looky here. Just when I was toying with the idea of starting my own blog, along comes an invitation to contribute to another. Will I have the time to write for both? You're damn right I'll have the time! I am between jobs, after all. Dedication, on the other hand, is another matter ...

I can't say that I have a whole lot to write about at the moment. I suppose I could have waited until I did. But I'm a little too giddy about the honor and the privilege that was bestowed upon me by the venerable Professor Marvel to let this wait.

So I'll start with this: Last night before going to sleep I read Jeffrey Toobin's New Yorker article about Roman Polanski's legal battle. Now I've always been a fan of his movies. Rosemary's Baby is probably in my personal top ten. Nah, it definitely is.

So, like anyone else who follows popular culture, I knew that 30-something years ago he statutory raped a 13-year old girl and fled the country. But I never really dug deeper into the details of the story, despite a very high profile HBO documentary about Polanski that came out last year. I guess being an admirer of his work, I subconsciously avoided exposure to any information that would make me change my mind about him.

Well, out of a mix of boredom and curiousity, I read that damn Toobin article, which, presumably went over the same facts that the HBO doc did. Shortly after I finished it, I fell asleep. And then, I wouldn't call it a nightmare exactly, but I had a very uncomfortable dream about being forced to see, as though in a movie, what had happened on that infamous night when Polanski plied the young Samantha Gailey with alcohol and Quaaludes, then did his business.

Long story short, I think maybe he ought to do some time. But I'm always gonna enjoy Chinatown anyway.

So that's it. And I guess it was more than I thought it was gonna be. Now if you don't mind, I've got some Taiwanese Mountain dogs to attend to.

Slorochip Bar

2009-12-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

by crackpipe (xbasket)
Prisoners held in Guantanamo Bay's Camp Delta were treated in ways which sought to break down their ability to think rationally or to consider themselves as men. For example, some were asked about their periods (menses), dressed up as women and made to dance with men, were carried around on stretchers, and other psychological techniques, in addition to their physical torture. Psychologists and psychiatrists were employed to review detainee records and determine the most effective means to break them over a period of time. It now appears that Camp Delta will be closed without any plans for a museum to chronicle the different types of interrogations and forms of torture which occurred there.

This is a shame. Few doubt the horrors of the Holocaust, and this is partly because of the German model of maintaining a portion of their prison camps as museums, instead of sweeping their history under the carpet. Sunlight is a disinfectant and, further, the validation associated with it is at least some small justice for the victims. In the case of Camp Delta there is little question detainees will be scarred and mentally unstable for life following their confinement. Their case is different than the Holocaust in the sense that none were apparently systematically executed, but their case is similar to the Holocaust in the sense that the public was not allowed information about who was charged, what the charges were, to have any oversight about determining who was guilty or innocent, or to learn what exactly was done to detainees. A museum and some sunlight could be beneficial.

It appears that released detainees, if any, will have little left to lose after leaving confinement, both those who propagated terrorism and those caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. A museum could provide a small measure of validation for the portions of their treatment which were inhumane or unmerited. Without such an acknowledgment, I wonder if some of the detainees might become bitter. It seems as if that might be reasonable to expect. If so, some might dedicate the remainder of their broken lives to revenge instead of moving on to non-threatening endeavors.

That said, many good experiences came with Camp Delta confinement. For example, detainees had unlimited access to hairdressers, haberdashers, JC Penney, Trader Joe's, Safeway, Panda Express, Starbucks, California's Disability Determination Services, and the Lodi Public Library Bookmobile, to name just a few. With unlimited time, freedom, and funds on their hands, most detainees were able to invent a few delicious high calorie diversions to their detention. One of the most popular of these was the concoction pictured above (Marine Corps photo), called the "Slorochip Bar". This snack combines jelly orange slices, a chunk of 70% dark chocolate, and a Chocolate Chip Clif Bar for a 700 calorie delight. Stoves and utensils are forbidden in confinement, so prisoners purchased the ingredients, ate a slice of orange, a portion of chocolate, and a bite of the Clif Bar, simply repeating the process until finished! Instead of feeling angry, why not make a delicious Slorochip Bar and experience a little Camp Delta fun first hand? Happy Choco-holidays citizens!

Thanksgiving strikes

2009-11-25T14:25:00.000-08:00

Note: this is just a repost of something I put up recently at TaBB or Misanthropy Today. It sucks, but it's a post with Thanksgiving spirit. --crackpipe (xbasket)

In 2007 I was being driven to the airport in Zürich. It was the day before Thanksgiving, and I thought, what can possibly go wrong on this beautiful day? The pharmaceutical deal had gone through perfectly in Kraków ("crack?how!", we call it), there was an early winter föhn dancing through the open limousine roof, and an electrical engineer with fabulous cleavage was telling me an interesting story of her brothers selling her into imprisonment in a Thailand whorehouse, and how it had ultimately led to a Fulbright scholarship and to collecting butterflies as a hobby. As she spoke, I recalled that my wife Sophie and our kids were happily expecting me in our San Juan Islands house, and that my mistress in Hong Kong was coming to Europe to spend a weekend in London. Due to the Kraków deal, funds were finally in place to go forward with the World Peace festival, so much so that all I would have to do is gather a few spread sheets and then pass the details off to an assistant to do the telephone calls. The road was filled with traffic and I was able to people-watch through the window as I listened to Koy's nightmarish childhood story. She had been beaten and whipped, of course. But outside on the sidewalks, happy faces enjoyed the winter sunshine and warm-front winds. My thoughts wandered. And just then, I recalled that chef Ricardo had neglected to put the small marshmallows on the sweet potatoes at last night's dinner! It was an outrage. Had he forgotten our deal to pay for his wife's cancer medication? Did he imagine that he could decide the manner in which sweet potatoes should be prepared? Whatever the reasons, hanging would be too good for such a scoundrel. Ricardo must be beaten and whipped thoroughly, I thought. In front of our staff. And then sent packing with half his pay and a dying wife, in the snow. "Serves him right", I thought, "I'll have it done on Christmas Eve". I had a swallow of mineral water, laughed to myself in satisfaction, and returned to gazing at Koy's generous chest. With irresponsible scoundrels such as Ricardo running free in this world, there can be no peace. We must learn to fight back against them. When evil rears its ugly head, and if it's within our zone of influence, we must fight back against evil, each and every time, and even if it costs us 5 or 10 minutes. Shall we all be prisoners like Koy was?

SWEETEST BLOG ON THE INTERNET

2009-09-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

No kidding.

横浜のリャマ

2009-09-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

Das Jahr im Rückblick: Vorahnung

2009-09-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

Ich fand gerade etwas mehr Vorahnung in der Werkstatt. Ich möchte zu teilen. Gehen wir zurück in die Zeit eines Jahres. Dies ist reich:

Vorahnung Link

Dies ist der Jahrestag, wenn wir versehentlich getötet David Foster Wallace mit unseren Respektlosigkeit, aber wir waren so abgefuckt auf Sentimentalität und Chantix wir dachten, "Gott sei Dank" wenigstens etwas Wichtigeres.

Jetzt sind wir abgefuckt auf Coreg. D.B. - Er diagnostiziert Takotsubo. Wenn wir ihm versagt ein Taxi. Und er hatte Recht. ER HATTE RECHT!

Das Konzept des Tages ist Vorahnung. Nicht der fiktionalen Art, aber die Art Sie stolpern im wirklichen Leben. Es ist das Gegenteil, zeit-weise, der real-vous.

Oh, und der König der Bälle, war er Vorahnung KISS König der Bälle, und dass die tatsächlichen Reisen ins Land der KISS König der Bälle Vorahnung war.

Der Professor steht Vorahnung und könnte bald beitragen mehr, um sich wichtig fühlen.

The year in review: Foreshadowing

2009-09-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

I just found some more foreshadowing in the workshop. I want to share. Let's travel back in time one year. This is rich:

Foreshadowing Link

This is the anniversary of when we accidentally killed David Foster Wallace with our irreverence but we were so fucked-up on sentimentality and Chantix we thought "Thank God" at least something important matters.

Now we're fucked-up on Coreg. D.B. - He diagnosed takotsubo. When we denied him a cab. And he was right. HE WAS RIGHT!

The concept of the day is foreshadowing. Not the fictional kind, but the kind you stumble upon in real life. It's the opposite, time-wise, of real vous.

Oh, and King of Balls, he was foreshadowing KISS King of Balls, and that was foreshadowing actual trips to the land of KISS King of Balls.

The Professor likes foreshadowing and might post more soon in order to feel important.

Amazing Flying Flower

2009-08-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

filmed by Cousin Shaky the Camera Man.

film review: "dsm-iv"

2009-08-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

There was a malfunction in the large-screen LCD and we stopped in Las Vegas to replace the thing. I was annoyed with the pilot, Armando. Luxury items are supposed to be checked-out prior to take-off! Eventually, the LCD was replaced and Armando had us back in the air searching for topless citizens lounging by Vegas pools to photograph. Since I was annoyed with the stop in Vegas, and annoyed with an earlier call from my mechanic explaining Sylvie's car would not be ready until Monday, I turned away from poolside loungers and turned toward champagne and film to soothe my jangled nerves. The film? Steven Blütbergen's "DSM-IV".

The film was panned by most critics. No, really. So I'm here to point out there is nothing wrong with a BMW car crash on the Autobahn, gratuitously filmed in high speed for slow motion playback, in which the lead character and her favorite male prostitute are killed driving at 160KPH, high on Ecstasy and mood enhancers. There is nothing wrong with slow-paced scenes depicting technical details of tricyclic pharmaceutical sales in Leipzig, in which forms are signed without translation, and in which long and confusing glances are exchanged without background music between three doctors and a wonderfully busty lead (Elsa Küchen plays "Besos" - marvelously large aureolas too). There is little to criticize with the scene in which an apparently disturbed ex-con biker dude (Dick Cheney plays "Mon") shaves his goatee, flushes his steroids, waggles his shriveled penis, inserts a butt-plug, mounts a Harley Davidson, sets himself on fire, and drives directly through the plate glass window of a woman's clothing store in downtown Modesto, California. Seemingly incongruous events such as these are connected by themes of anger, IBS, and mood enhancers. But there is a problem. And the problem with this film is in its inappropriateness and offensiveness to reasonable people such as myself who are educated and who have more refined tastes than prurient trash such as this film can address. Nobody, and I mean *nobody*, is going to take my money at the box office, when I can have custom shirts made to order, fly around Vegas in a helicopter looking for topless sunbathers, or have my chef create sweet potato masterpieces.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-02-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

Hi Turkeys. Welcome to the Workshop. What are you doing here?

You Scratch my back I'll scratch yours

2009-01-22T17:20:00.000-08:00

NEW POLL

Who here can scratch an itch anywhere on their own back without assistance?

This is not a trick question. The Professor is not interested in your ability to use tools. The professor is concerned about whether you can satisfyingly scratch an itch anywhere your own back without the use of anything but your hands, e.g. without a back scratcher or a wall or a stick or the power of your mind.

Please vote, and please even forward a link to those unfamiliar with the workshop so that they may vote as well.

If you have a shoulder injury, but are absolutely sure that you could do this before the injury, please vote yes. Similarly for massive weight gain.

Thank you.

Dignity

2009-01-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

Don't forget to vote in the Dignity Poll. ---->
Don't forget to vote in the Dignity Poll. ---->

Don't forget to vote in the Dignity Poll. ---->
Don't forget to vote in the BACK SCRATCHING POLL^^^

Incrediballs

2008-12-14T05:25:00.000-08:00

I am the King of Balls

2008-12-13T16:21:00.000-08:00

Detour on the trail of my KISSes

2008-12-06T02:01:00.000-08:00

The sweet purple goodness of ube is irresistible to the King of Balls.

On the trail of my kisses

2008-12-06T00:39:00.000-08:00

Maybe you'll be happy.

2008-11-29T18:13:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Manila, King of Balls

New Feature

2008-11-21T15:15:00.000-08:00

Look over there ---->

Prelude to a KISS

2008-11-10T07:11:00.000-08:00

Preparations are beginning....

It takes a lot of Balls (or should I say Bayag?) to swallow LIVE TYPHOID. But, hey, who's the King? That's right!

It turns out live typhoid is a friendly little fellow. He (?) has explained to the King of Balls WHY it's important to take Vaccine in a Capsule on an empty stomach. The King of Balls' stomach is rarely empty ... I would have totally ignored this step if I didn't know why it was important. Then I would have run the risk of being infected with Typhoid Fever. Talk about ballsy!

This is a representation of my digestive tract.

I am the King of Balls.

What if I forget to take a dose? It's every 48 hours. That is very confusing. Swallow live typhoid. Now today, don't swallow it. Now today, swallow live typhoid again. Oh, I'm tearing my hair out here! See what I mean about how confusing it is?

Thanks little buddy, that helps a lot.

A Reminder

2008-11-02T08:35:00.001-08:00

I am the King of Balls.

Breakfast

2008-10-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

The day started off in a wholesome way this morning. The Workshop cafeteria served up chicken, pizza, and fries, all in one amazing food.

Oh, and Greek Yogurt too!

2008-10-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

In Greek: γιαούρτι, pronounced yee-ah-OOR-tee

This is a basic recipe for homemade yogurt using commercial full fat milk.
Ingredients:

* 1 quart of full fat sheep or cow's milk (pasteurized)
* 2 tablespoons of previously homemade yogurt or plain unflavored yogurt at room temperature
* 2 tablespoons of full fat milk (same type) at room temperature

Preparation:

1. Heat the milk just to the boiling point and pour into a non-metal container.
2. Let cool to lukewarm (100-105F). A skin will form on top.
3. Mix the 2 tablespoons of yogurt (homemade or commercial) with 2 tablespoons of milk.
4. Add to the lukewarm mixture, carefully pouring down the side so that any skin that may have formed on top is not disturbed.
5. Cover with a clean dishtowel and place on another towel in a warm, dry place for at least 8 hours (or overnight) until it thickens.
Note: 8 to 12 hours is best. The longer the yogurt coagulates beyond that time, the more sour the taste becomes.
6. Carefully drain any excess liquid.
7. Refrigerate for 4 hours before using.
8. Store in the refrigerator and use within 4-5 days.
9. Don't forget to save a small amount to make the next batch!

The yogurt can be eaten as is, along with the creamy skin on top.

To make the thick yogurt used in many Greek recipes, follow these directions after step 6.

# Dump a container of plain (unflavored), yogurt into the center of the cloth.
# Bring the four corners of the cloth together and lift the yogurt.
# Over the bowl or sink, twist the corners to squeeze out the liquid (it will drain through the cloth).
# Continue squeezing, putting the yogurt under pressure, to force the liquid out.
# When the majority of the surface liquid has been drained, it will start to drip more slowly. Tie off the top of the cloth just above the mass of yogurt with string.
# Place the cloth containing the yogurt in a strainer or colander, and place the strainer or colander in a bowl where it doesn't touch the bottom (so that the liquid can continue to drain).
# Place the bowl containing the strainer/colander in the refrigerator and allow to drain for 2-3 hours.
# After draining, take the cloth containing the yogurt and put it in the sink (do not remove the string).
# Place the palms of your hands on the bag and press down to force out any remaining liquid.
# Remove the string, open the cloth, and using a spatula, put the yogurt in a bowl for use.
# Note: How thick is thick? The yogurt should be at least as thick as sour cream.
#

Great ideas from site visitors:

* Use a coffee filter to strain (forum discussion)

Yam Jam

2008-10-20T18:54:00.000-07:00

Sweet Potato Preserve

* Peel sweet potato and cut into desired size and shape.
* Soak in lime water (one tablespoonful lime to one gallon water) overnight.
* Wash thoroughly and drain.
* Prepare syrup made up of two parts sugar and one part water. Cook sweet potato in this syrup for 15 minutes. Let stand overnight.
* Boil syrup again until it gets thick. Drain.
* Pack sweet potato in 12-ounces jars, fill with syrup and half-seal.
* Sterilize for 25 minutes in boiling water.

Seal completely.

Whacking and cleaver

2008-10-20T18:41:00.001-07:00

While Professor Marvel did an excellent job of posting the beautiful lusty photographs of the fried potato ball and the fried pork, the good professor did not write about the preparation of the food.

What preparation is necessary, given that the food is pre-prepared? Well, there's two crucial parts:
1) The person at the counter takes the order.
2) Somebody plates the food.

Item 1: The person at the counter takes the order.
It turns out that really the person at the counter of Cuchifrito does not take the order so much as decide what the customers need to eat. The professor and I agreed that this is the right procedure and that all other dining establishments have it wrong. How could we disagree with the beautiful fried potato ball and fried pork ribs placed in front of us? Imagine how badly our meal could have gone if we had received what we had unwittingly ordered.

Item 2: Somebody plates the food.
All dining establishments would be more enjoyable if it involved a counterperson taking a fried pork rib and whacking (very loudly whacking with deft up and down movements of the right arm) of the said rib with a cleaver. I am a proud owner of a cleaver that has seen excellent use, and I endorse this message for cleaver use in America. (Well, I am not running for an office, but it's fun to endorse something. Try it.)

Got It After All.

2008-10-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

The Professor wanted to show you loyal readers something shiny. While the Professor is normally a stunning photographer, something was amiss, and the shiny object remained elusive.

Too much shaking eliminated the shiny thing from the photo.

Caught a bit of it, but still too shaky. Be careful taking photos on boats, Readers.

Artsy, but no statue.

Ah, well. Let's look at the Woolworth Building. It's lovely and ornate, if not shiny.

Wait, what's that?

The Professor, who puts on the ill-fitting Philosopher Hat at times, tries to extract meaning out of this. Does it mean sometimes you'll get what you want if you just stop trying? Does it mean that if you want them enough, God will give you shiny things? Does it represent the fact that all we are ever really left with are accidentally captured semi-accurate reflections, even of things that seem blindingly important at the time? Let's squeeze every last possible bit of meaning out of it, Readers, until all that remains is a small blurry bit of a photo of a reflection of something that was really shiny in person, at one time, somewhere.

Bamboo

2008-10-15T19:24:00.000-07:00

We were talking about bamboo in the warehouse today.

I recently mistook sugarcane for bamboo. My neural connections are being pruned at a rapid rate--to use a metaphor sometimes applied to the developing mind of an infant--and the sugarcane mistake was yet another example of this "pruning" and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to share the bamboo mistake with the others participating in the bamboo discussion. But I kept silent. Just sniffled, felt my nose itch and rubbed at it as I considered again whether I was experiencing a cold or allergies. It mattered for several reasons, but the symptoms were confounding the damn diagnosis. Rule out Common Cold. Rule out Allergies.

We ruled out bamboo as a material that could improve the warehouse in both function and design. Unfunc means unfunctional, in made-up design idiom. What means ugly and unfunctional again? Ugunfunc? unfuncug?

The reasons why bamboo wouldn't work out in the warehouse were elusive to me, yet obvious. But unexplainable. I doubted myself as my fingers ached. I am frequently confused, forgetful. The obvious isn't as reliable as I used to believe it to be. I was flailing a bit. I occasionally or often flail a bit, as I have developed no system for remembering things beyond relying on the now elusive yet once-perceived-as-highly-functional neural connections.

Writing things down seemed like the only way, in the limited universe of my limited brain. Put a system in place now, I told myself, before it gets worse. And stick to it. I know you don't believe it on some level, I said to myself, because the ability to remember correctly has been a part of your experience of the world for so long. Now you have to doubt yourself. Get used to it. It may be your salvation.

I thought of some benefits to the loss of cognitive reliability, and the recognition and acceptance of it:

1. Self-doubt can lead to considering more possibilities--and considering other possiblities can create new cognitive connections; although, it seems, those connections are often not as strong as one expects them to be, based on past experiences of the strength of connections. By "one" I mean "me" and by "me" I mean the King of Balls.

2. For individuals lucky enough to have their self-concept not inextricably wrapped up with their perceived memory and "sharpness," it can lead to asking other people or the internet for information and occasionally widening one's scope of knowledge by acquiring information--again, probably with a weaker ability to remember the connection than once was readily available to the now inadequate mind. Or not inadequate, but better at different things? Who knows? Let's come up with some possibilities to make ourselves feel better, shall we?

Other people know things I don't. But the bamboo--what of it? Who thought it would work in the warehouse and is it there yet? Why is it a topic, and where did it come from?

I am the King of Balls.

Bruxelles

2008-10-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

Pate is not very photogenic.

Croque Monsieur, on the other hand, is a natural in front of the camera.

The mussels may also have a modeling career in their future.

Come in for your close-up, dear.

Global Warming Teapot

2008-10-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

We were in a jam ...

2008-10-06T07:30:00.000-07:00

Ah, the Magic

2008-10-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

Professor Marvel's Roadshow

2008-10-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

The journey of a lifetime starts tomorrow.

Nevermind what is important to the Professor

2008-09-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

Nobody likes the sadness poll, and nobody is voting in it, and nobody has visited the workshop since the Professor opened the voting. Please forget it ever existed. Don't be sad.

Kiss me. That's an Order.

2008-09-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

I am the King of Balls.

They love me in the Philippines. Little carts with green signs order people to kiss me.

I must experience this in person. I will travel to Manila in the coming months where I hope to get kisses, and balls, and hope not to get hepatitis. I may even invest.

I am not kidding. I am the King of balls.

We have photos of Courtney Love!

2008-09-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

Did you know this? Where are they? Are they really here, in the Workshop?

Postillion, what do you know about this?

Good job, King of Balls.

2008-09-23T19:08:00.001-07:00

Except for that double posting, you are golden.

See comments number 23 and 24.

A footnote to a life.

2008-09-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

Rest in Peace, David Foster Wallace. We love you. The world will miss you terribly. Thank you for your colorful multifaceted writing, for reminding me to enjoy life again and again over the course of two decades. You are wonderful.

Sussman.

2008-09-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

I am the King of Balls. This man is an idiot. See below for a more eloquent discussion of same.

Rant: Stupidity, Please Mock

2008-09-21T14:22:00.002-07:00

Well, we all knew it...the blog is just like the world in revealing the many aspects of human nature. But it happens to be different than the world in that any individual can have their ignorance and stupidity crystallized and revealed for the rest of the world in the way of all fast media.

Therefore, without further ado, I have the displeasure of outing this particularly self-insular and self-centered piece of writing by a young man who had never heard of David Foster Wallace until Wallace's recent sad death.

On the blog, as on in the real world, not knowing something doesn't always imply that the person is not famous; it can just be a pointer at one's own lack of knowledge in certain arenas. Given that all of us are necessarily limited in knowledge due to the limitations of the human brain and time on this earth (I fully admit my ignorance of all things related to pop culture, mathematics and science), there's no problem with that. However, what is a problem is mistaking a serious writer who suffered from a debilitating mental disease as a sensation- and fame-seeker.

Mr. Matthew T. Sussman could only have made such a mistake in ignoring his own ignorance of a very well-known American writer and foolishly deciding to turn his ignorance into a sensation- and fame-seeking piece on David Foster Wallace. He should feel ashamed for his lack of intellectual curiosity as well as a lack of intellectual honesty. In both traits, he is the exact opposite of David Foster Wallace whose writing is much admired for displaying an energetic curiosity towards all things and all beings in the world as well as the ability to work through intellectual questions in a discerning manner.

Unuseful

2008-09-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

The most unuseful thing off the internet

The most unuseful thing on the internet

(By the way, exclamation marks are not allowed as part of tags/labels...how unuseful. By the way, I would argue that unuseful can be semiotically different than useless...or I am just illiterate.)

Oh, unuseful here is useful.

Useful

2008-09-20T07:43:00.001-07:00

The most useful thing on the internet.

Also Useful

2008-09-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

The second most useful thing on the internet

Dear Mr. Wrake,

If this is copyrighted or otherwise shouldn't have a screenshot here, please notify the Professor immediately via the comments to this post so I can take it down. I think it's an internet miracle and want to draw attention to it. The workshop's two or three readers will really enjoy it, I'm sure of it. Maybe they'll send you money or name their children "Run." I know I will.

Lunchtime at the Workshop.

2008-09-18T04:31:00.000-07:00

What, just bread Professor?

No, no. Also sweet creamy butter.

Cheese fries?

No. Poutine!
Click for a closer look and see if you can't spot one of the large tender cubes of meat in the gravy.

Those are tiny cubes of Chorizo, and there's a real clam underneath there. Click on it. I dare you.

The Professor's Sole.

A new poll, an old poll.

2008-09-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your insightful comments on the David Foster Wallace post, above, and the Sentimentality post, below. I look forward to hearing more on these topics. Please continue to comment, but also, help keep the workshop stable by voting in the new Sentimentality Poll.

Also, don't forget to vote in the Dignity poll. We've moved it up a bit for your convenience.

Sappy in the past and the future.

2008-09-14T19:20:00.000-07:00

Note that this post does not have all necessary labels. Freedom of Expression is being limited. But this is not the topic at hand.

The Professor altered the date of this post so that the DFW love would stay at the top of the Workshop for the moment, and so that this post will not negate it.

But readers, have you noticed a turn for the sappy in the Professor's posts lately? The Professor, as a consumer of what one hopes is the objectivest reality possible, wants to know. Re-reading some recent posts, the Professor finds them to be a little sentimental. For instance, the Professor has used the personal pronoun "I" more frequently, no? And the word "love" is occurring more frequently as well. But perhaps the Professor is indeed feeling sentimental, but the blog does not in fact reflect that. It could be that the Professor is coloring everying in shades of sunrise and candy, emotion-wise, including the Professor's own posts. I just don't know. I, the Professor, need your help in figuring this out.

Also, readers, please remind the Professor of the pitfalls of being sentimental, to aid in the Professor's cost/benefit analysis. I guess the good side of sentimentality would be appropriate to hear about as well, for a true cost/benefit analysis. But sentimentality could be said to include an assumption of its own goodness. Or could it? I don't know. The Professor doesn't know. Neither one of us has faith in our own judgment any more.

I think I'll write about tanks or wiring diagrams or something next. Readers, I know the Professor is taxing you with all these requests, but please if you could, suggest something un-emotional for us to disect in the workshop.

Thank you

2008-09-14T17:23:00.001-07:00

My hats go off to you, team Marvel. Well done. You've come through for me in a time of need. Not for me, personally, I realize, but for the Workshop. Everybody put aside their busy lives and gave a piece of themselves. Everybody but Perfect, that is. Perfect is likely a perfectionist, composing, as we speak--or rather as I write--a DFW-esque treatise on Snails and Consumer culture. Heavily footnoted, it will be so extensive and detailed that the reminder to vote in the Dignity Poll will have to be placed somewhere in its first chapter.

Team Marvel, please consider contributing regularly. You all did so well, and ... you are my strength. You are the foundation upon which the Workshop rests. Without you, it'd be nothing but a few yellow penises.

I will try to contribute as well, but it's hard to balance the actual Work of the Workshop with the meta-discussion about the Workshop that goes on in the blog. I will try to be meta for you, readers, as the Workshop has been an interesting place recently, and may continue to be interesting into the future. We're using the lab again--firing up the bunson burners, sterilizing the test tubes, hauling the electrophoresis machine out of the hall closet. It's all very exciting and dangerous!!! Look for more or less posting soon as a result of this or something else.

There are itchy people everywhere

2008-09-13T18:14:00.001-07:00

Gilda Radner - "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."

Rule of personalities on the workplace

2008-09-13T17:24:00.000-07:00

In the interest of saving the Professor's sanity, I am doing the one-time favor (note: one time only) of posting after reading a plea. Moreover, I am posting a related item on sanity and the insane on the workplace. The Professor better appreciate that I am taking time off from knitting coasters to write this up.

After having worked at various companies over a decade (work experience can be rather limited for us dimwits who spent our youth and money too long at school), I have decided that there is not a single company of any size without a token psycho. So, if there is a company with only two persons, without a doubt, one person will suffer from serious behavioral issues and inflict it on the other person. Having worked in companies and departments of various sizes, it is a common variable to all workplaces.

Why does this occur? Even though I have not made an extensive study, I will make a groundbreaking hypothesis which will lay the groundwork for future studies that will earn psychologists and psychiatrists the Nobel Prize if they learn how to utilize the internet to read random rants and raves of the common layperson and thus to propel the study of the insane. My groundbreaking hypothesis of the insane at work has two parts:

1) Individuals often consider the workplace as their small tiny pool of influence and therefore consider the workplace as the world which they shall conquer and therefore become a petty tyrant.

2) As the workplace can be compared to a dysfunctional family (as one old friend pointed out to me, it is the place where we spend the most amount of our waking hours), certain individuals behave as though the workplace is their home. Thus, they become overly comfortable and start acting out as they would towards their family.

These individuals are objects of curiosity and occasional violence. One must treat them with due care, not necessarily with kid gloves but more with the thick gloves that bear tamers use.

Of course, the most notorious of violent behavior on the workplace is the postal office, hence the common term "going postal." Going postal is commonly believed to be a result of too much stamp licking by postal workers. For many years, Americans believed that there was LSD laced with the glue used on stamps that caused postal workers to go...well, postal. This erroneous belief led to the massive Rush on Stamps of 2004. Americans everywhere bought stamps and started licking them, thinking that they would get a cheap rush.

Unfortunately, this led to a shortage of stamps and a new "market will bear" pricing mentality by the United States Post Office, with stamp prices being repriced at $10.25 each. Thankfully, Americans, after much licking without any effect except for sticky tongues and stamps getting stuck to all their clothes, furniture, and their furry pets (the worst incidence of such was the negligent stamp licking owners of Pollyanna parrot who stuck the licked stamps on their Pollyanna's beak, effectively shutting her poor beak and leading to her slow death by starvation while her LSD/stamp obsessed owners didn't even realize that she had not chirped "Pollyanna wants a cracker" in twenty days; as a memorial of the cruelty suffered by American pets everywhere during this period, the US Postal Office erected a Pollyanna parrot statue outside their central DC headquarters with an eternal looping recording of "Pollyanna wants a cracker"), began to realize that LSD was not laced with the glue used on stamps. Instead, they had to arrive at the conclusion that given the incidence of mad people in America, a certain ratio also had to work at the post office. While stamp prices never dropped back down to the 2003 price, we can all now send letters for a reasonable price again.

easier to build than maintain

2008-09-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Has it been anyone's experience here that it seems easier to build things than to maintain them properly? I mean except for decent art. But countries, plants, workshops, languages, even cigarettes? I'm tired.

I am the King of Balls

2008-09-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

How does one get to be a Professor¹ without knowing basic html?²

David Foster Wallace you are not.³

¹ I am the King of Balls.

² I am the King of Balls.

footnote continued on next post

2008-09-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

³ I am the King of Balls.

A plea

2008-09-12T05:26:00.000-07:00

Postillion, Xbasket, Perfect, King of Balls,

Help the Professor out. I have writer's block, or some similar ailment. I'm not paying enough attention to the words in my brain and the blog is suffering. See it suffer? See the one-line posts? See my agony? SEE? HOW CAN YOU CONTINUE TO STAND BY AND DO NOTHING?!?! I HATE YOUR COMPLACENCY!!!!

Please write and post something to improve the workshop in these lean times. Except for you, King of Balls. Please stop posting in the workshop unless you find something else to say.

I would also like the workshop to have more pictures, because they are each worth 1,000 words, but the yellow penises were so interesting that nothing else in the workshop really compares. [The penises are now in steady-state, by the way: unchanged since their last photo several weeks ago, except maybe a little browner.] [Can a blog have footnotes? The Professor is tangential and without footnotes the posts might become unreadable.]

I will take care of the pictures. You people, the rest of you, please put words in the workshop. Please love the workshop.

If you want a topic to write on, please pick any of the already established topics in the index, i.e. Snails and Consumer Culture, Dignity, Exclamation Marks, etc. Pick one with only one entry, and develop it.

It's 9/11 and

2008-09-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

I am the King of Balls.

Obligatory 9/11 Post

2008-09-11T08:36:00.001-07:00

Imagine the professor saying something insightful here, okay kids?

Also Pathetic

2008-09-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

How did you guys do this? Most slugs just eat the leaves and flowers. You sucked the life out of them. You must be vampire slugs. Instead of the pellets the Professor should have put little stakes through your little hearts.

King of Balls

2008-09-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am the King of Balls.

Pathetic

2008-09-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

I take a hiatus for a month while my life is going through some major changes, and all Professor Marvel can do is post about moldy penises? What kind of entertainment is this, I ask you?

I recommend that all of you, Morgan Freedman, Kurt Cobain's ghost, Courtney Love, etc., entertain yourself by reviewing the catastrophe of the Republican VP candidate. And we should spend all our hours until election praying fervently to whatever mysterious forces of democracy that might still be lingering (granted in a stale, leftover sort of way) be in America to save us from such monstrosities.

That said, I am taking another hiatus to prepare my getaway in another country in case the Republicans win.

Two culprits killed, little spirals may be exonerated

2008-09-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

Two dead slugs have been found. No spirally shells to be seen.

Pictures would be inappropriate.

We still do not know if the lobelia will pull through, but at least the Professor can have "closure" because the victims have been brought to justice. That's the way they say it works, anyway. The Professor is not so sure.

Sorry, little spirals, but....

2008-08-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

... while you may think the workshop is a safe place for you, a place where we engage in the glorification of your species, the sad truth is that you guys and the professor have a complex relationship.

You've been eating my plants again and I'm going to have to kill some of you.

Actually, I don't mind some snacking. As you can see from my behavior with the yellow penis gang, I am pretty tolerant of the non-lethal use of the plants by other species.

I just can't understand how you guys can manage to out-and-out kill a plant just by snacking on it. If you continue to ravage that poor lobelia, it will be dead. It's already almost at the stage where hospice is all I can provide. Once it's dead, none of us can enjoy it. You can't snack on it, and I can't admire it's violet beauty.

Why can't you be more like those crazy plant ants that just kind of walk all over the plants but do not hurt them?

Anyway, I have these pellets. If I remember correctly, you guys like to eat them. Once ingested, they make you guys--and your slug brothers, who may also be in on this--stop eating and drinking. Or maybe just one or the other, I can't recall, but since both eating and drinking are necessary for continued life, you eventually die. I think it takes only a day or two. I'm going to put them out tonight, if I remember to do so. The directions say that they're most effective if put out at night, right before you guys come out and start doing your conspicuous consumption thing.

Consider yourselves warned. You can stop now, and we can all live together in peace. Or, you can continue your reckless disregard for the well-being of the Professor's lobelia, and you can die. I know you guys are reading this.

two new penises compete, in the shrinking shadow of their dead leader.

2008-08-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

A tribute to buffalo wings

2008-08-27T04:06:00.000-07:00

Wikipedia defines buffalo wings as follows:

Buffalo wings, chicken wings, hot wings or wings are chicken wing sections (called wings, or "flats") and drummettes that are deep fried and then coated in sauce. Traditional Buffalo style chicken wing sauce is composed of two ingredients: a vinegar-based cayenne pepper hot sauce , margarine or butter. Buffalo wings may also be prepared with breading and sauce, although many purists would consider breaded wings not to be genuine "Buffalo" style wings.

Buffalo wings are named after the city of Buffalo, New York, where they originated. In Buffalo, the local residents do not refer to them as "Buffalo wings". They are usually referred to as "wings" or "chicken wings". The appellation "Buffalo" is now commonly applied to foods other than wings, such as chicken fingers, chicken nuggets, popcorn chicken, etc, that are seasoned with the Buffalo style sauce or variations of it. Traditional Buffalo wings (ones prepared without breading) are very low-carbohydrate.

The secret ingredient is butter!

Speaking of upstate New York and food, consider the Spiedie. A delicious sandwich of cubes of marinated spit-roasted meat, known only to the locals of Binghamton and vicinity. The Binghamtonians have an annual festival where they celebrate the Spiedie and race balloons. Blue Oyster Cult performed at this year's event. Or was it Motley Crue? The professor often confuses the two.

Thank you Binghamton. You've given the world Rod Serling and the Spiedie.

A tribute to wingpeople

2008-08-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

Wikipedia defines wingman as follows:

Wingman is a term in the seduction community that a man may take when he goes to a club or bar with an accompanying male. A wingman is expected to support his friend in approaching women. The men often pick a desired woman, who is referred to as the "target". The man intending to seduce the target is often called the "pilot." The wingman is expected to back up the pilot, which typically entails talking to the target's less attractive friend(s) and making comments that will make the pilot seem more attractive. The 1986 film Top Gun is often credited with bringing the term into popular usage.

The wingman motivates the pilot to be social and practice approaching women. He helps the pilot approach pairs and groups of women without the awkwardness of being alone. He will sometimes take the less attractive woman of a pair so that the pilot can get the more attractive without interruption. In certain situations, the pilot will go with his "AW", commonly referred to as Automatic Wingman. He has the most experience in playing the role of wingman.

Other responsibilities include remembering details (i.e. target's names and personal information) as well as compensating for intoxication in the judgment of the pilot. The point of the wingman, however, is defeated if he himself becomes an obstacle; hence the application to the wingman of the 11th commandment (or Second Law of Wingmandom),^[1] "Thou shalt not cockblock."^[2]

Sometimes, we have wingmen or wingwomen in our lives that we don't even realize are playing the role of wingperson. God bless them all. Thanks to them, life can be hilarious. May hi-larity reign. May the Ironic Force be recognized as the missing piece in the equation that will unify the disparate cosmological theories once and for all.

Rental wingwomen are available at wingwoman.com.

Yes, the party is over.

2008-08-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

six-steppin'

2008-08-25T06:04:00.000-07:00

I saw some guys six-stepping out at the club the other night. I was bouncing and working tickets at the Cattle Club for Kevin. My gawd, I wanted to do some six-stepping.

I had knee-pads under my baggies. It's the joints - knees, elbows, knuckles, that take a beating. I looked out at the moon from the entrance. I couldn't smell anything because I'm...my sense of smell is compromised by obesity. Well, I saw no...I mean I saw a few people out there. I want to talk about these things! A lot of these people don't stand in the parking-lot and just look at the trees. That's an opinion. Maybe they're drinking or being nervous because of Sweet N' Low studies. Summary: not too many just looking at it all, most thinking back about Denny's coffee w/sexy Sweet N' Low. Sex. One guy smelled like Tide or some detergent and he slashed at me. I didn't take his ticket, I didn't give him a refund, and I don't play that game. I'm like a cartoon. I'm like a... no, but I'm sentimental about stuff. Maybe some crickets. And dry winds and oak trees and wild oats soughing in the night breeze. When the police arrive they always just stare at my tits and I give them an 800 number.

"click for big"

2008-08-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

This is all happening so fast!

2008-08-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

Two days later

2008-08-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Left penis has outgrown right penis while the Professor was away.

Others are sprouting up all around ...

and the penises have sprouted penises.

the party's over

2008-08-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

Fernando Regis had an eyeball, now disabled, with a diameter which apparently channeled standard 2.45GHz microwaves in addition to admitting light in the typical visible range (400-800THz). George stated he could feel in his eye "a certain tingling sensation" when microwave ovens with leaky seals were operating within perhaps 20 feet of where he stood. He never participated in any scientific study to confirm this. Pretty Polly's subjective experience of microwaves seemed to correspond with a diminishing of Oculus Dexter visible-light sight. Tom's familiarity with the presence of microwave activity, he believed, went hand-in-hand with a simultaneous creation and stengthening of a cataract. He eventually changed his cooking habits but, if cataracts are a function of combined exposure effects or the result of a single trauma, Pietro may have been correct in assuming Tom's ability to determine microwave oven operation came at a great cost to him personally.

oh holy hell

2008-08-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

The Professor had been vaguely aware that a plant in the workshop had some soil mold. A closer look today reveals dead or inanimate worms and two bright moon yellow penises. Any explanations, recommendations from the readership would be appreciated here. Can I leave this alone in the workshop for a day or two or should I roll it out immediately? Will it grow and kill the workshop cat? Where did the worms come from? It was just miracle-gro potting soil and a plant from a local nursery. And what lies under the soil, at the base of the yellow penises?

The Professor shudders to think.

Oh Goody

2008-08-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

Oh Goody, folks. We have another invitee to the Workshop. Cross your fingers that this individual will accept the Professor's humble invitation. Perhaps, if we're lucky, this invitation will result in more posting than the last two invitations, which between them have produced no posts and one comment. Postillion and I just can't do this alone, people.

Not everything is chaperone, Firefox.

2008-08-12T05:13:00.001-07:00

Firefox is displaying alternatives to chaperone wherever the Professor right-clicks, regardless of whether a word is being misspelled, regardless of whether a text editor is being used at all, regardless of whether a word is even selected.

Dictionary.com says chaperone is as valid as chaperon so Firefox should really stop harping on this so much.

Oxytocin Hangover

2008-08-11T21:45:00.000-07:00

The Professor googled "oxytocin hangover" in quotation marks just like earlier in the sentence there, and there were no exact matches, although I'm sure many of us know exactly what an oxytocin hangover is. Please, contributors and commenters, you vast legions, post/comment on oxytocin hangover here. Fix google and help other oxytocin junkies take a step toward recovery, or at least harm reduction.

You know, many words ago, spellcheck questioned the spelling of "chaperone" and suggested chaperon" (and the Professor politely declined and kept the final "e") and now for every word that it questions, including goddamn "oxytocin" and "spellcheck" all it suggests is "chaperon."

Firefox, in the Professor's world, chaperone has an "e" at the end, no matter how many times you suggest otherwise in irrelevant contexts. I love you and you can do better.

The Opression of the Hyperhidric

2008-08-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

Hyperhidrosis is a punishing disease.

You may or not be aware: Some people around you sweat more than others. Those people, if they want to be clean, must do more laundry.

The added costs in time, detergent, and awkwardness--or wash-and-fold bills--present a financial burden for the excessive sweater of modest income.

The professor is considering starting a charity. For research & laundry costs. And maybe psychotherapy.

Why bring the therapy community into this?

Good question. You see, the sweaty can also be oppressed socially. Wet arm pits or a sweaty handshake can ruin a job interview or a date, for those unlucky enough to be involved with people who judge others based on their sweatiness.

Also, sweat can sting when it gets in your eyes. If other people's sweat gets in your eyes, it tends to sting more than your own sweat. So, the hyperhidric harm their lovers.

Sweating in a positive light

Sweating is misunderstood. It is, in fact, good for you. Sweat contains a germ-fighting agent that can help fight off infections. Researchers found the gene behind the protein it produces. They named the protein Dermicidin. Dermicidin is manufactured in your sweat glands where it is injected into your sweat which then takes the Dermicidin to your skin's surface where it protects against bad guys like E. coli and Staph, and Candida. Link.

Thus, the sweaty are also the healthy.

And, in New Orleans, folks are actually proud of their sweatiness and were displeased to learn that they were the third sweatiest city in the U.S., coming in behind, of all places, San Antonio and Dallas. Link.

New Poll!!!!

2008-07-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

Your vote can help shape the future of the workshop. Please vote in the "what topic should we cover next" poll. The topic with the least votes will be selected. VOTE NOW!

Update: voting closed. Thank you all for voting. Since multiple topics had the same number of least votes, the topic with the most votes will be covered. This is best. Think about it: if you read the rules you were really voting against a topic by voting for it, so for all intents & purposes sweatiness does have the least votes.

Something even more exciting

2008-07-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

DIGNITY! There is second dignified person the world. We now have two confirmed!

Although, it's possible the Professor -- yours truly -- who is honest to a fault, will soon be unable to claim dignity as an asset without being a hypocrite. Watch the poll carefully, readers. Something serious is at stake.

Something exciting

2008-07-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

Something exciting may happen at the workshop soon. Are you ready to hear what it is? It has to do with dignity. To add dignity to the workshop, we have invited a new guest author. Who will it be? What will they write? Will this author see the same level of popularity as the controversial Postillion has? Only time will tell.

When will we find out if the new author accepts our invitation? Soon, Soon, the Professor hopes.

Bookmark the workshop now and check back often for the latest developments.

Indeed, who Is stupid now? I think I know...

2008-07-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

Postillion doesn't perhaps grasp the near universality of the -er, -est suffixes. Professor Marvel understands them to be a way to superlative-ize any adjective, unless there is an exception as with good/better/best, bad/worse/worst. Granted, in some cases, adding -er/-est just sounds sort of stupid. And in that case, we just use more or most in front of the adjective. It's just not that mysterious.

Who's stupid now?

2008-07-17T18:36:00.000-07:00

I had no idea that eviler and evilest are actual words.

The dictionary says they are.

Maybe my ignorance stems from my goodness?

~Postillion

Twin studies

2008-07-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

Mystery solved!

2008-07-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

They are starlings!

~Postillion!!!

A Big Thank You

2008-07-04T14:08:00.000-07:00

... to whoever voted in the snail poll. It's folks like you who keep democracy alive.

EUODI officially unveiled

2008-07-03T14:18:00.000-07:00

After doing some focus group tests and test flights on Experiments of Unkindness on One Deserving Individual, we are officially rolling out/launching (choose the corporate lingua franca of your preference) EUODI!

Here is the way the terminology can be used by all followers of EUODI:

EU: Experiments of Unkindness
Comes from Ancient Greek eu meaning well
Pronounced with a fluctuation of sound as it is a dipthong

Don't forget to vote in the Dignity Poll.

ODI: One Deserving Individual
Comes from Latin odiosus, hateful, and odium, hatred.
ODI is related to the English word odious
Rhyme it with Opie (Opie: dopey dog character from ancient comic strip: Garfield).

Now, put it all together and pronounce it: EUODI (don't forget to fluctuate the eu!)

Thanks and gratitude to Gnovos without whose inspiring, motivating and illiterate words, none of this would have been possible.

~Postillion

2008-07-03T07:51:00.001-07:00

Oh, the crazy things that go on here in the workshop! Look how many of you are undignified. What has become of us, as a culture? In my days -- even when I was just a pup -- I strove for dignity. I would never call myself undignified, even in an anonymous poll.

But clearly times are changing. I will try to change too. I consider myself a modern Professor, so I insist on keeping up with the latest fads. I will try to be undignified. I will lose some dignity. Back to the workbench to figure out how!

Thanks Postillion

2008-07-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

Don't forget to vote in the Dignity Poll.

Postillion: Professor Marvel has decided that your additions to the blog are worthy.

ATTENTION READERS: If at any time the arrow in the Dignity Poll message does not line up properly with the Dignity Poll in your browser, PLEASE open or close the Year and Month headings in the Archive list just above the poll until the poll and arrow line up properly.

Unkindness

2008-07-02T20:52:00.000-07:00

I am currently engaged in an experiment of unkindness. While I generally don't believe in unkindness (although generally not believing in unkindness does not rule out sarcasm, irony, wryness, nor sardonic searing witticisms), I have decided that occasionally one must make exceptions.

So far, my unkindness experiment has generated the desired reaction: fear and flight in the subject.

If you would like to engage in unkindness, I recommend it be done with wit and grace inasmuch as it is possible. It helps if you are involved in a moment of actually feeling contempt for the subject.

Not too long ago, Professor Marvel put together the dignity poll. Unkindness is rather undignified. But, I admit that the gratification of self-satisfaction might be worth it.

~Postillion

re: sudoko

2008-07-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

I find that the pleasure of sudoku varies over time. Yes, the fun diminishes, but then you put the sudokus down for a while -- weeks, months, years -- and then some day, you're riding the bus, and it's exactly what you need. The pleasure v. time graph of sudoku is shaped like a roller coaster. I will draw it on a bar napkin for you one day and post it here in my workshop.

Don't forget to vote in the Dignity Poll.

Professor Marvel asks ...

2008-07-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

What's happening to my workshop? Somebody's been fooling around in my workshop. Now there's all these words in here.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Give me some time to sort out my thoughts.

In the meantime, don't forget to vote in the Dignity Poll.

Some free floating quotes on the state of human kind, contempt, bordeom, the quotidian, and a Sudoku question

2008-07-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

Why not use your fluttering tongue to wipe the sweat off of that starling who is trying to strip off her wings. It's so distant of you, my aroboreal lover on the outskirts of town. From the shadow of the clothes hanging in a thrift shop, a single antelope watches you. Steel-colored eyes of contempt. Takashi Hiraide, For the Fighting Spirit of the Walnut (trans. by Sawaka Nakayasu)

Or, Cyril Connolly from The Unquiet Grave:
Beneath a mask of selfish tranquility nothing exists except bitterness and boredom. I am one of those whom suffering has made empty and frivolous: each night in my dreams I pull the scab off a wound; each day, vacuous and habit-ridden, I help it re-form.

When I contemplate the accumulation of guilt and remorse which, like a garbage-can, I carry through life, and which is fed not only by the lightest action but by the most harmless pleasure, I feel Man to be of all living things the most biologically incompetent and ill-organized. Why has he acquired a seventy-years' life-span only to poison it incurably by the mere being of himself? Why has he thrown Conscience, like a dead rat, to putrefy in the well?

And back to Takashi Hiraide:
One day, in the afternoon after the rain, on the escalator going from the west side of the first floor to the second floor of the Takashimaya store in Nihonbashi, I saw a single snail in front of me, and found myself sighing deeply at the pointlessness of his rhyme. Would he now proceed to the grocery on the rooftop, or head straight to the kitchen of the dining hall. Or perhaps he has some shopping to do. At least get yourself up to the magic section, little spiral. I whispered words of encouragement, but all I saw was maybe a shy little twitch of the tentacles.

By the way, is there diminishing returns of pleasure on Sudoku?

~posted by Postillion

Dignity

2008-07-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

This post is about dignity. This blog is about dignity. I have dignity.

Do you have any dignity? If yes, what do you do with it? If no, do you want some, or do you think it's overrated?

A request from Prof. Marvel

2008-06-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

Please mock me. Do your best.

2007-08-02T05:23:00.000-07:00

Vanuatu, Kiribati, Nauru receive US assistance

"The agency says it is the first time since World War II that there has been a significant US military presence on those islands."

I wonder if they're looking forward to having the U.S. back?

Pipe Dreams

2007-08-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

http://www.tripletsandus.com/80s/80s_games/pipe.htm

It's probably best not to go elsewhere on this site. Just play the game.

Von Trapp

2006-12-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

So, who knew that The Sound of Music is a true story? Everyone but me, I suppose.

How does this relate to the current (although probably temporary) blog theme: the South Pacific? Maria Von Trapp Jr. was a missionary in Papua New Guinea for a significant period of time - some 30 years according to the link above, even when the rest of them fled (back) to Vermont. They gave up singing to be missionaries. Some are still alive...and you can stay at the Trapp Family Lodge in Vermont on your next ski vacation.