Thursday, August 6, 2009

film review: "dsm-iv"

There was a malfunction in the large-screen LCD and we stopped in Las Vegas to replace the thing. I was annoyed with the pilot, Armando. Luxury items are supposed to be checked-out prior to take-off! Eventually, the LCD was replaced and Armando had us back in the air searching for topless citizens lounging by Vegas pools to photograph. Since I was annoyed with the stop in Vegas, and annoyed with an earlier call from my mechanic explaining Sylvie's car would not be ready until Monday, I turned away from poolside loungers and turned toward champagne and film to soothe my jangled nerves. The film? Steven Blütbergen's "DSM-IV".

The film was panned by most critics. No, really. So I'm here to point out there is nothing wrong with a BMW car crash on the Autobahn, gratuitously filmed in high speed for slow motion playback, in which the lead character and her favorite male prostitute are killed driving at 160KPH, high on Ecstasy and mood enhancers. There is nothing wrong with slow-paced scenes depicting technical details of tricyclic pharmaceutical sales in Leipzig, in which forms are signed without translation, and in which long and confusing glances are exchanged without background music between three doctors and a wonderfully busty lead (Elsa Küchen plays "Besos" - marvelously large aureolas too). There is little to criticize with the scene in which an apparently disturbed ex-con biker dude (Dick Cheney plays "Mon") shaves his goatee, flushes his steroids, waggles his shriveled penis, inserts a butt-plug, mounts a Harley Davidson, sets himself on fire, and drives directly through the plate glass window of a woman's clothing store in downtown Modesto, California. Seemingly incongruous events such as these are connected by themes of anger, IBS, and mood enhancers. But there is a problem. And the problem with this film is in its inappropriateness and offensiveness to reasonable people such as myself who are educated and who have more refined tastes than prurient trash such as this film can address. Nobody, and I mean *nobody*, is going to take my money at the box office, when I can have custom shirts made to order, fly around Vegas in a helicopter looking for topless sunbathers, or have my chef create sweet potato masterpieces.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're an asshole who doesn't believe in self-determination. Determayed means determined mixed with dismayed and that's how I feel now. Thanks, dickhead.

Professor Marvel said...

94% of blogs have not been updated in the last 6 months. The workshop has. The Professor is pleased to be in the minority. Thank you xbasket.

Anonymous said...

I think it's a tragedy that Elsa K. has to take roles like this just to behave in some way that's consistent with society's expectations for her. Is this supposed to be a positive role? If not, what does it say about the state of Hollywood's role in supporting the American Dream?

Anonymous said...

I'm also Anonymous and I just want to respond to what the previous Anonymous said about Elsa K's role. I don't think we can tell for sure if Elsa's role is meant to be positive or negative per se, but I think the question is a good one to ask. The reason it appears difficult to answer the question if the role is meant to be a positive or negative direction is because the film process is a money making one. At least on one view, this means the role is meant to appeal to the pocketbook first and foremost, so that any moral meaning we attach to after we've spent our money to see it is incidental, or at least secondary, on the part of its producers. It's hard to imagine the meaning of the role as a secondary consideration in a work of art, but films can be like buying street drugs -- the dealer may care little for what meaning the user attaches to the experience as long as they purchase the drug. Just one view.

xbasket said...

Thanks Anonymous. It appears some of the comments here imply it's not important for me to be flown around Las Vegas, since the comments seem to focus around the film. Please don't place your opinions about art above the importance of me receiving proper treatment from my staff.

sewer horse cops said...

DSM-IV is a masterpiece. Those of you who want to say something bad about DSM-IV are only saying something bad about yourselves. Haven't you wanted to live in a Yurt outside Hamburg? Are you telling me you have never wanted to seek a medical degree with stolen pharma sales money? How can others disagree with this lead role? Some people live inside shells inside shells inside shells. Go watch Lifetime with your state-worker girlfriend who so adamantly refuses to read that subtitles enrage her.