Saturday, August 30, 2008

Sorry, little spirals, but....

... while you may think the workshop is a safe place for you, a place where we engage in the glorification of your species, the sad truth is that you guys and the professor have a complex relationship.

You've been eating my plants again and I'm going to have to kill some of you.

Actually, I don't mind some snacking. As you can see from my behavior with the yellow penis gang, I am pretty tolerant of the non-lethal use of the plants by other species.

I just can't understand how you guys can manage to out-and-out kill a plant just by snacking on it. If you continue to ravage that poor lobelia, it will be dead. It's already almost at the stage where hospice is all I can provide. Once it's dead, none of us can enjoy it. You can't snack on it, and I can't admire it's violet beauty.

Why can't you be more like those crazy plant ants that just kind of walk all over the plants but do not hurt them?

Anyway, I have these pellets. If I remember correctly, you guys like to eat them. Once ingested, they make you guys--and your slug brothers, who may also be in on this--stop eating and drinking. Or maybe just one or the other, I can't recall, but since both eating and drinking are necessary for continued life, you eventually die. I think it takes only a day or two. I'm going to put them out tonight, if I remember to do so. The directions say that they're most effective if put out at night, right before you guys come out and start doing your conspicuous consumption thing.

Consider yourselves warned. You can stop now, and we can all live together in peace. Or, you can continue your reckless disregard for the well-being of the Professor's lobelia, and you can die. I know you guys are reading this.

7 comments:

Presidente, Marvel Fan Club said...

What's new with the indoor plant today, Professor? Which penis is winning?

Admin. Marvel said...

No penis news. They're still neck and neck. Or still huddled together. However you want to look at it. Breaking penis news will be posted here first, however.

Anonymous said...

Presidente, I imagined I was king of balls in this universe, but now I see Toymaker created my universe subordinate to yours. What have we done?

King of Balls said...

I am the king of balls.

presidente, marvel fan club said...

"king of balls", I have a lot of sympathy for you. Nevertheless, what's done is done. I urge you to consider your family.

xbasket said...

When worlds collide...

Anonymous said...

an update, bitte?